What’s the worst thing you’ve ever done?
I thought about it,
Longer than I should have.
It was just a throw-away question, after all.
An icebreaker.
But the ice was forming around me,
And I was frozen – stuck.
Nothing came to mind.
I wondered if that made me narcissistic,
More self-involved
Than I had ever given myself credit for.
Because honestly, I don’t think I’ve ever done anything…
Awful.
The worst thing I have done, though,
I decided, finally,
Was a thing I did to myself
Every day.
Fading into irrelevance.
Sitting alone,
Never going anywhere,
With anyone.
Did I even have a single friend?
Yes, I think I did,
Once…
Something vague stirs,
And I try to pinpoint the feeling.
I’ve never done anything
Terrible, spiteful, malicious, violent.
I’ve never done anything
That would make someone hate me.
I’ve never done anything.
No one seems to know me,
But it’s alright,
Because I can mix with anyone,
I can get along with them all,
I can make a conversation easy,
Even though I’m a perfect stranger.
I used to think it was a gift,
A blessing, even.
In these faithless days of mine,
It seems now more like a curse.
I don’t suppose I believe in those, either.
What do I believe?
What do I stand for?
Should I be rubbing people up the wrong way,
Just to know who I am?
Fading into the background, then,
That’s the very worst thing I’ve ever done.
Of course, I’m the only one affected.
I left the question unanswered,
And they asked the person beside me instead.
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